The woman wakes, jolted by a cough from down the hall. The sound is loud and insistent, tearing through darkness, a siren made just for her. Then the hall goes silent, bringing peace that’s sure to be fleeting. The woman tries to savor the moment and relax. Cradled by a lounge chair, she makes a feeble attempt at stretching, her eyes widening more while she does. As if on cue, a lamppost from across the street flickers to life, granting soft, amber radiance through a corner window. Alertness taking hold, the woman remembers she isn’t in bed at her home. Instead, she’s in someone else’s living room, sitting in a cramped seat not made for quality rest. She takes a quick glance at her wristwatch, time still reigning supreme, and confirms the morning’s wee hours inch along. 

A turbulent night has given way to more restlessness and more pain. But neither is hers. And even if they were, they would be set aside for a distant day. The woman’s sole interest is inside these walls, where her current goals are as firm as if etched in stone, exact and never forgotten. Even this moment, with less than three hours’ sleep for five consecutive nights, she embodies militance and grace, fortitude like you’ve never seen. Looking in her eyes, instead of bleariness, you’ll find the sharpest of focus. Looking at her hands, you’ll see all that handling, lifting, cleaning, carrying, and glove wearing has brought dryness and irritation, like a soldier steeped in combat. Now, she takes a deep breath and leaves the chair, quietly striding down the hall before stopping near the bedroom. Its door is slightly ajar. She peeks in, studying the patient, the person she cares for every day, tossing and turning on the bed. Before long she is noticed. The two exchange pleasant smiles. The woman steps inside and once again, prepares to help.

This is a mere snapshot of the family caregiver experience. They could be someone’s mother, father, sister, brother, daughter, son, partner, cousin, a friend. They are the people moving mountains to ensure other people battling an illness, a physical challenge or both, are fully supported. Clever and selfless in their craft, they are the ones we count on after a hospital stay or during treatment. They head an environment without a round-the-clock medical team, food at the ready, and access to exclusive equipment or testing. Often, family caregivers haven’t been medically trained nor have any experience in managing health conditions, critical or otherwise. But that’s precisely what makes them remarkable: They show up nevertheless and with moxie to spare, as if caregiving is what they were always fated to do. They rearrange their schedules and lives for the sake of others. They station themselves in the home, to be ever close by, working tirelessly to keep our loved ones on track. Without these remarkable people, the patient may begin to regress, their recovery could slow down, or their progress could stop completely.

All this effort that family caregivers pour in requires energy from a great reservoir, energy that is emotional, intellectual, and physical. After a while, be it weeks or months down the line, this energy starts to deplete. The reservoir doesn’t have an unlimited supply, after all. Caregivers ache. They hurt. They grow tired. They wear out. It has then become a matter of what we can do for them, not simply so they can keep doing their job, but so they can keep feeling valued as individuals. They deserve our support, love, care, respect, and consideration. They must be seen and heard and given eye contact. A big smile helps. Offering a little vacation isn’t unwelcome either. It’s less about telling them “Thank you for all you do” and more about asking: “How are you?” “What has your week been like?” “What can I do to help make your day easier?”. It is these acts of kindness that can make a profound difference to the individuals we so heavily depend on. Caregivers may live like they’re superhuman, but even the strongest of people still need to be cared for.

By Jaymes Rivera, Communications Specialist                                                                                                                                     

About the Author: As though he were using a feather quill pen, Jaymes has written several blog articles for our website, exploring annuities, voluntary benefits, and basic finance tips, among other topics. You can check out some of those articles on our main ManhattanLife Blog page. 

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